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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
grazie to some friends on another ducati forum for these excellent definitions. feel free to add your definitions of other tools to this wiki like list:


DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh --'

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make wall studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Also useful in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-ups into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. A metaphor for life, in general.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into tamper-proof screws and blistering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON OF A B*TCH TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
 

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BFH The big hammer to vent with
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
BFH The big hammer to vent with
so noted and added in this revision:

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh --'

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make wall studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Also useful in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-ups into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. A metaphor for life, in general.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into tamper-proof screws and blistering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Also known as BFH, or Big F'ing Hammer (added by CDONA)

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON OF A B*TCH TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
 

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Dremmel: All around squids machine tool of choice. Used for chopping fenders, cutting sections of faring to mount speakers, or polishing sections of aluminum frames with out dismantling the bike. If it needs to be enlarged, USE The DREMMEL! If it needs to be cut, USE The DREMMEL! If it needs to be shinny, USE The DREMMEL! If you dont have the correct tool for the job, USE The DREMMEL!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Dremmel: All around squids machine tool of choice. Used for chopping fenders, cutting sections of faring to mount speakers, or polishing sections of aluminum frames with out dismantling the bike. If it needs to be enlarged, USE The DREMMEL! If it needs to be cut, USE The DREMMEL! If it needs to be shinny, USE The DREMMEL! If you dont have the correct tool for the job, USE The DREMMEL!
so noted and added in this revision:

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh --'

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make wall studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Also useful in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-ups into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. A metaphor for life, in general.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into tamper-proof screws and blistering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Also known as BFH, or Big F'ing Hammer

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON OF A B*TCH TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

DREMMEL: All around squids machine tool of choice. Used for chopping fenders, cutting sections of faring to mount speakers, or polishing sections of aluminum frames with out dismantling the bike. If it needs to be enlarged, USE The DREMMEL! If it needs to be cut, USE The DREMMEL! If it needs to be shinny, USE The DREMMEL! If you dont have the correct tool for the job, USE The DREMMEL! (added by Brad Reynolds)
 

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OPEN END WRENCH (JESUS TOOL): Besides the pliers the most common tool used to round off a perfectly shaped hexagonal head on some cheap ass soft metal bolt. Also known as a Jesus Tool, as you are guaranteed to yell "Jesus Fuckin' Christ" when you slip off the head and mash your knuckles or the back of your hand on a some adjacent sharp piece of metal.

Out!
 

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Dremmel: All around squids machine tool of choice. Used for chopping fenders (done it), cutting sections of faring (done it)to mount speakers (hell no), or polishing sections of aluminum frames with out dismantling the bike. If it needs to be enlarged, USE The DREMMEL! If it needs to be cut, USE The DREMMEL! If it needs to be shinny, USE The DREMMEL! If you dont have the correct tool for the job, USE The DREMMEL! Need to build your wine rack but your drill's battery charger fried, USE THE DREMMEL!


Or rather...

Dremmel: Do-it-all tool for the rest of us not wealthy enough to buy all the shit ourselves or fortunate enough to have friends with big fancy machine shops.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
OPEN END WRENCH (JESUS TOOL): Besides the pliers the most common tool used to round off a perfectly shaped hexagonal head on some cheap ass soft metal bolt. Also known as a Jesus Tool, as you are guaranteed to yell "Jesus Fuckin' Christ" when you slip off the head and mash your knuckles or the back of your hand on a some adjacent sharp piece of metal.

Out!
so noted and added in this revision:

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh --'

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make wall studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Also useful in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-ups into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. A metaphor for life, in general.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into tamper-proof screws and blistering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Also known as BFH, or Big F'ing Hammer

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON OF A B*TCH TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

DREMMEL: All around squids machine tool of choice. Used for chopping fenders, cutting sections of faring to mount speakers, or polishing sections of aluminum frames with out dismantling the bike. If it needs to be enlarged, USE The DREMMEL! If it needs to be cut, USE The DREMMEL! If it needs to be shinny, USE The DREMMEL! If you dont have the correct tool for the job, USE The DREMMEL! (added by Brad Reynolds)

OPEN END WRENCH (JESUS TOOL): Besides the pliers the most common tool used to round off a perfectly shaped hexagonal head on some cheap ass soft metal bolt. Also known as a Jesus Tool, as you are guaranteed to yell "Jesus Fuckin' Christ" when you slip off the head and mash your knuckles or the back of your hand on a some adjacent sharp piece of metal. (added by axe)
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Or rather...

Dremmel: Do-it-all tool for the rest of us not wealthy enough to buy all the shit ourselves or fortunate enough to have friends with big fancy machine shops.
so noted and added in this revision:

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh --'

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make wall studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Also useful in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-ups into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. A metaphor for life, in general.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into tamper-proof screws and blistering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Also known as BFH, or Big F'ing Hammer

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON OF A B*TCH TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

DREMMEL: All around squids machine tool of choice. Used for chopping fenders, cutting sections of faring to mount speakers, or polishing sections of aluminum frames with out dismantling the bike. If it needs to be enlarged, USE The DREMMEL! If it needs to be cut, USE The DREMMEL! If it needs to be shinny, USE The DREMMEL! If you dont have the correct tool for the job, USE The DREMMEL! (added by Brad Reynolds). Do-it-all tool for the rest of us not wealthy enough to buy all the shit ourselves or fortunate enough to have friends with big fancy machine shops. (added by hooptygoo)

OPEN END WRENCH (JESUS TOOL): Besides the pliers the most common tool used to round off a perfectly shaped hexagonal head on some cheap ass soft metal bolt. Also known as a Jesus Tool, as you are guaranteed to yell "Jesus Fuckin' Christ" when you slip off the head and mash your knuckles or the back of your hand on a some adjacent sharp piece of metal. (added by axe)
 

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TORCH

Designed to illuminate things that look nothing like the one in the maintenance manual, things that require the entire bike to be dismantled to get at and things on your bike that you did not know existed and certainly were not there when you bought it!

Really good at producing waste chemicals and heavy metals.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
TORCH

Designed to illuminate things that look nothing like the one in the maintenance manual, things that require the entire bike to be dismantled to get at and things on your bike that you did not know existed and certainly were not there when you bought it!

Really good at producing waste chemicals and heavy metals.
so noted and added in this revision:

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh --'

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make wall studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Also useful in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-ups into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. A metaphor for life, in general.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. Designed to illuminate things that look nothing like the one in the maintenance manual, things that require the entire bike to be dismantled to get at and things on your bike that you did not know existed and certainly were not there when you bought it! Really good at producing waste chemicals and heavy metals. (added to by elliott5)

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into tamper-proof screws and blistering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Also known as BFH, or Big F'ing Hammer

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON OF A B*TCH TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

DREMMEL: All around squids machine tool of choice. Used for chopping fenders, cutting sections of faring to mount speakers, or polishing sections of aluminum frames with out dismantling the bike. If it needs to be enlarged, USE The DREMMEL! If it needs to be cut, USE The DREMMEL! If it needs to be shinny, USE The DREMMEL! If you dont have the correct tool for the job, USE The DREMMEL! (added by Brad Reynolds). Do-it-all tool for the rest of us not wealthy enough to buy all the shit ourselves or fortunate enough to have friends with big fancy machine shops. (added by hooptygoo)

OPEN END WRENCH (JESUS TOOL): Besides the pliers the most common tool used to round off a perfectly shaped hexagonal head on some cheap ass soft metal bolt. Also known as a Jesus Tool, as you are guaranteed to yell "Jesus Fuckin' Christ" when you slip off the head and mash your knuckles or the back of your hand on a some adjacent sharp piece of metal. (added by axe)
 

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BENCH GRINDER/POLISHING WHEEL: Recipient of the Excellence in Design award by Planned Parenthood.
A device that excels as a near lethal launcher of super-heated fasteners, brackets, mounts and other various widgets; items that were firmly held in ones hand only nano-seconds before being redirected and hurled at escape velocity into ones gonadal region.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
BENCH GRINDER/POLISHING WHEEL: Recipient of the Excellence in Design award by Planned Parenthood.
A device that excels as a near lethal launcher of super-heated fasteners, brackets, mounts and other various widgets; items that were firmly held in ones hand only nano-seconds before being redirected and hurled at escape velocity into ones gonadal region.
so noted and added in this revision:

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh --'

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make wall studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Also useful in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-ups into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. A metaphor for life, in general.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. Designed to illuminate things that look nothing like the one in the maintenance manual, things that require the entire bike to be dismantled to get at and things on your bike that you did not know existed and certainly were not there when you bought it! Really good at producing waste chemicals and heavy metals. (added to by elliott5)

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into tamper-proof screws and blistering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Also known as BFH, or Big F'ing Hammer

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON OF A B*TCH TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

DREMMEL: All around squids machine tool of choice. Used for chopping fenders, cutting sections of faring to mount speakers, or polishing sections of aluminum frames with out dismantling the bike. If it needs to be enlarged, USE The DREMMEL! If it needs to be cut, USE The DREMMEL! If it needs to be shinny, USE The DREMMEL! If you dont have the correct tool for the job, USE The DREMMEL! (added by Brad Reynolds). Do-it-all tool for the rest of us not wealthy enough to buy all the shit ourselves or fortunate enough to have friends with big fancy machine shops. (added by hooptygoo)

OPEN END WRENCH (JESUS TOOL): Besides the pliers the most common tool used to round off a perfectly shaped hexagonal head on some cheap ass soft metal bolt. Also known as a Jesus Tool, as you are guaranteed to yell "Jesus Fuckin' Christ" when you slip off the head and mash your knuckles or the back of your hand on a some adjacent sharp piece of metal. (added by axe)

BENCH GRINDER/POLISHING WHEEL: Recipient of the Excellence in Design award by Planned Parenthood. A device that excels as a near lethal launcher of super-heated fasteners, brackets, mounts and other various widgets; items that were firmly held in ones hand only nano-seconds before being redirected and hurled at escape velocity into ones gonadal region. (added by mountainrider)
 

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grazie to some friends on another ducati forum for these excellent definitions. feel free to add your definitions of other tools to this wiki like list:


DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh --'

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make wall studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Also useful in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-ups into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. A metaphor for life, in general.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into tamper-proof screws and blistering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON OF A B*TCH TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
"TOOL" aka (Hyprduc) Todd :D Aloha Alex
 
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