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I ran over a squirel yesterday it was awful...sorry thought id share i was suprised i didnt drop the bike :confused:
 

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OKAY....who has the funny old urban legend story of the squirrel fighting the rider down a neighborhood shortcut?!?!??!!?
 

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zooom said:
OKAY....who has the funny old urban legend story of the squirrel fighting the rider down a neighborhood shortcut?!?!??!!?
I never dreamed that slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect. I was on Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me.

It was a squirrel and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it -- it was that close! . I hate to run over animals, and I really hate it on a motorcycle; but a squirrel should pose no danger to me.

I barely had time to brace for the impact. Animal lovers, never fear. Squirrels, I discovered, can take care of themselves!

Inches before impact, the squirrel flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing my oncoming Valkyrie with steadfast resolve in his beady little eyes. His mouth opened; and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! I am pretty sure the scream was squirrel for, "Bonzai!" or maybe, "Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!" The leap was nothing short of spectacular. He shot straight up, flew over my windshield, and impacted me squarely in the chest. Instantly, he set upon me. If I did not know better, I would have sworn he brought 20 of his little buddies along for the attack. Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans, this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage!

Picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and leather gloves, puttering at maybe 25 mph down a quiet residential street, and in the fight of his life with a squirrel.

And losing...

I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw. That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there.

It really should have. The squirrel could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser. But this was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary angry squirrel. This was an EVIL MUTANT ATTACK SQUIRREL OF DEATH!

Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands; and, with the force of the throw, swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact, he landed squarely on my BACK and resumed his rather antisocial and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him! The situation was not improved. Not improved at all. His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him. I was startled, to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of! a Valkyrie can only have one result.

Torque.

This is what the Valkyrie is made for; and she is very, very good at it. The engine roared, and the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in - well, I just plain screamed.

Now picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a slightly squirrel-torn t-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, and roaring at maybe 50 mph and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street on one wheel, with a demonic squirrel of death on his back.

The man and the squirrel are both screaming bloody murder.

With the sudden acceleration, I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to get control of the bike.

This was leaving the mutant squirrel to his own devices; but I really did not want to crash into somebody's tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle. My brain was just simply overloaded. I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little effect against the massive power of the big cruiser.

About this time, the squirrel decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he was an evil mutant NAZI attack squirrel of death); and he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet with me. As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the squirrel, however. The RPMs on the Dragon maxed out (since I was not bothering with shifting at the moment); so her front end started to drop.

Now, picture a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a very raggedly torn T-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, roaring at probably 80 mph, still on one wheel, with a large puffy squirrel's tail sticking out of the mostly closed full-face helmet. By now, the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.

Finally, I got the upper hand. I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked - sort of.

Spectacularly sort of ...so to speak.

Picture a new scene. You are a cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork. Suddenly, a large man on a huge black and chrome cruiser, dressed in jeans, a torn T-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing only one leather glove, moving at probably 80 mph on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by, and with all his strength throw! was a live squirrel grenade directly into your police car.

I heard screams.

They weren't mine.

I managed to get the big motorcycle under control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign of a busy cross street. I would have returned to 'fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really. Except for two things.

First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop who had been in the driver's seat was standing in the street, aiming a riot shotgun at his own police car.

So, the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to "let the professionals handle it" anyway.

That was one thing. The other?

Well, I could clearly see shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery from the back seat. But I could also swear I saw the squirrel in the back window, shaking his little fist at me. That is one dangerous squirrel. And now he has a patrol car. A somewhat shredded patrol car, but it was all his.

I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right turn off of Brice Street, and sedately left the neighborhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves. And a whole lot of Band-Aids.
 

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Years ago I decapitated one of those little buggers with my rear tire - my buddies riding behind me said that he was running straight for the bike and caught the rear wheel - his little body did a few flips... no one saw what happened to the head.

I thought I ran over a small rock or something - oh well!
 

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I piss myself laughing so hard every time I read that story. An oldie but a goody. Thanks for posting it.
 

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thisnjducquacks said:
I ran over a squirel yesterday it was awful...sorry thought id share i was suprised i didnt drop the bike :confused:
I'm sorry you feel bad but I thank you. Yeah I know that will tick off animal rights activists but I'm infested with squirrels. They aren't cute friendly animals they're just rats in a designer coat and they breed like...well, rats. They chewed up wiring in my cars at a cost of over $2000, they've gotten in my house and garage and caused hundreds of dollars worth of damage.
I even had one fly out of wood stove one summer and bite my son. I did put a grate on the chimney after that. So if you see me out riding and swerving around the critters it means I'm just adjusting my targeting mode.
 

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Rat with a tail upgrade.
 

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Years ago (22 or so, in Norwalk CT), I showed up to move my stuff into the house I was moving into, and on the stove was a pot of squirrel stew. At that point it had been cooking for a day ar so, and had another day or so to go before it became edible, according to my housemate. Never got around to trying it myself.

Tom
 

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Down here in Texas they get BIG!
I have had some barbecued.
They were wrapped arounf a couple of jalapenos and smoked for about a day.
Not bad, but dove is better! Or Quail!

Say anyone want to quail hunting?
I been told I hunt like Cheney!

:D
 

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Rainman said:
Down here in Texas they get BIG!
I have had some barbecued.
They were wrapped arounf a couple of jalapenos and smoked for about a day.
Not bad, but dove is better! Or Quail!

Say anyone want to quail hunting?
I been told I hunt like Cheney!

:D
I don't hunt, but I do grow chiles. Got 300 seedlings next to me, waiting for planting. Got a smoker with an offset fire-box too (not bad, for Switzerland). Squirrels are rare around here, but doves, quail, deer and baor are in abundance (almost crashed into a boar 5 or 6 years ago, stopped about 1 1/2 ft. before impact with the sucker).

Tom
 

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Squirrel is absolutely delicious ! I brown it in butter and then braise it in Madeira. A recipe that I got ( I'm pretty sure now) from Alexis De Toqueville.

Absolutely delicious !

( BTW, show no mercy with the little bastards. Best way is to off 'em with a .22 short in the haid. Saves cleaning time.)

This is what I call a great thread. Cooking, shooting, eating, and identifying the criminal element among the minor ( and delicious ) mammals. And riding motorcycles.

Yum ! Life is good.



st2lemans said:
Years ago (22 or so, in Norwalk CT), I showed up to move my stuff into the house I was moving into, and on the stove was a pot of squirrel stew. At that point it had been cooking for a day ar so, and had another day or so to go before it became edible, according to my housemate. Never got around to trying it myself.

Tom
 

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st2lemans said:
I don't hunt, but I do grow chiles. Got 300 seedlings next to me, waiting for planting. Got a smoker with an offset fire-box too (not bad, for Switzerland). Squirrels are rare around here, but doves, quail, deer and baor are in abundance (almost crashed into a boar 5 or 6 years ago, stopped about 1 1/2 ft. before impact with the sucker).

Tom
Hey ST, I can send you some jalapeno and habanero seeds for your collection!
 

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Best way to cook squirrel is the same way you cook carp.

While the BBQ grill is getting up to steam, chop up a couple of onions, some garlic and some hot peppers.

Rub the cleaned carp (or squirrel) with olive oil.

Salt and pepper generously and wrap it up in about three or four layers of well-soaked newspaper along with the vegetables.

Soak the paper in wine instead of water if you prefer.

Just before the fire goes from red to grey, put the carp/squirrel on for twenty minutes.

Use caution when removing it from the heat and unwrap it carefully from the paper.

Toss the squirrel/ carp away and eat the newspaper.
 

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I have done something similar.
But instead of newspaper, you can use cabbage leaves, grape leaves, banana leaves, taro leaves, ganja leaves...

Umm, yeah, but anywho....

Keeping the moisture in is pivotal in any game, fish, or fowl.
Now steaks, well, that is something different!
 

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smegtheprez said:
I'm sorry you feel bad but I thank you. Yeah I know that will tick off animal rights activists but I'm infested with squirrels. They aren't cute friendly animals they're just rats in a designer coat and they breed like...well, rats. They chewed up wiring in my cars at a cost of over $2000, they've gotten in my house and garage and caused hundreds of dollars worth of damage.
I even had one fly out of wood stove one summer and bite my son. I did put a grate on the chimney after that. So if you see me out riding and swerving around the critters it means I'm just adjusting my targeting mode.
They are cute little things, but yeah, you are right.

One time The Discovery Channel and Animal Planet ran stories on how cute they were, but had news items of people like you, showing how much damage the critters can cause.

One poor guy's house was being eaten throughout by the buggers. He said in an interview that his wife was an animal lover so she refused to let him take extreme measures to eradicate the beasts. Eventually, I think they lost power, so the wife said to nuke em.

They then did a 15 minute piece on all the steps he was taking to get rid of them, and the night cameras [set up by the TV crew doing the piece] showed those buggers taking a few minutes to figure out how to get around the deterrent measures.

In the end, the guy had to make his house a concrete bunker and even that did not help all that much.

As I recall, the local government even said he had a "rodent" problem, so they allowed him to do whatever was necessary to get em. As I further recall, although he could have, he did not resort to poison or shotguns [at least not on camera]. [Seems to me I heard somewhere that squirrels react negatively to shotguns and seeing their brethren blown to bits causes them to pack up and move].
 
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