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Demotivational Member
1,603 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:

"Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."

"There is more to tell, Father, she started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."

The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?'' TaDa Bum Ba

The days are getting longer!
8,278 Posts
A group of bikers
were riding in the country
when they saw a girl
about to jump off a bridge.
So they stopped.

The leader, a burly man,
gets off his bike and says,
"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit a suicide,"
she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive,
he didn't want to miss an opportunity,
so he asked,
"Well, before you jump,
why don't you give me a Kiss?"

she does,
it was a long,
deep lingering kiss.

After she's finished,
the biker says,
That was the best Kiss
I have ever had.
That's a real talent
you are wasting.
You could be famous.
Why are you
committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me
dressing up like a girl......"

Senior Member
9,757 Posts

545 Posts
A husband and wife are in their bedroom preparing to go out to dinner.

The wife is standing in front of the mirror without a top and she says "My breasts are so small, I wish there was some way to make them bigger without surgery"

The husband quickly exclaims "Oh! I have an easy way to do that!"

The wife asks "Really?"

Husband replies "Sure, everyday when you get up, wad up some toilet paper and rub it in between your breasts. Do that for a year or two and I gauruntee they will DOUBLE in size."

The wife scoffs at him "What makes you think THAT is going to work?"

Husband replies "I don't know, but it sure worked on your butt!"

Temporary greeter
23,070 Posts
Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

The first went in to see the professor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" said the redneck.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!"

The redneck was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.

"You're queer, ain't ya?"

Senior Member
9,757 Posts
A mute dude is expecting this super hot babe to come over to his house. A couple minutes before she's due to arrive he realizes he doesn't have any condoms so he rushes out the door and runs across the street to the pharmacy to buy some.

When he gets to the pharmacy he tries to explain to the pharmacist that he needs some jimmy caps but the pharmacist doesn't understand him. In a move of desperation he quickly whips his dick out on to the counter with a 10 dollar bill and frantically points at it. The pharmacist blankly stares at the guy for a couple seconds, when all of a sudden a light bulb goes off and he says "I get it!!!"..... He whips his own dick out on to the counter next to the mute guy's dick and takes his 10 bucks.

Never pay again for live sex! | Hot girls doing naughty stuff for free! | Chat for free!

382 Posts
Two old folks had just finished dinner, and then gone back to his place.

She thought she should warn him, "I have acute angina."

To which he replied, "oh good, cause your tits are ugly!"

Premium Member
12,238 Posts
Couple get married and she won't preform oral on him..
He asks why? well you won't respct me in the morning..
He even begs but she won't ...
Years later he is near death and she is going to miss him..
what can i do for you my good and faithful husband...
He says well you know just barely being able to smile ..
She does her wifely duty reluctantly and the old guy is grinning ear to ear...
The phone rings he answers it ..Yes she is here..
HEY [email protected] SUCKER It's for you!!!

382 Posts
In the Middle East, it is customary for the women to walk behind their men at all times
Unbeknownst to most, however, the real initiator of this law was a woman. She knew the dangers of the many still buried and forgotten landmines. She had seen the dangers before her brethren.

I admire those women.

8,545 Posts
A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a deserted beach in Boca Raton, Florida.

She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "How are you today?"

"Fine, thank you," he responded and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book.

"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely, she countered. "Do you live around here?" She asked.

"Yes, I live over in Coral Springs," he answered and again he resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?"

With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.

When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

8,545 Posts
A disclaimer......Sent to me by one of my idiot friends. :)

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a red spot on their foreheads. We

have always naively thought that it had something to do with their
The true story has recently been revealed by the Indian Embassy in
Washington, D.C.
When one of these women gets married, she brings with her, a dowry. On

her wedding night, the husband scratches off the red spot to see if he
won either a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop or a motel
the United States.

Just thought you would like to know.
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