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I have a button.. BITCHES!
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Discussion Starter #1
I got out of the shower the other night, and IT....meaning the bride of Satan.....by which I mean my wife, was laying in bed watching TV. I looked over at the woman, she looked at me, looked at my stomach, rolled her eyes, and went "Psh."
Me: "What the eff are you PSHing at?"
Her: "You're gut." then "Dumbass."
Me: "Eff it. So what. I'm too damned tired to care anymore."
Her: "Idiot."
So I've got my head leaned forward, drying what's left of my pathetic head of hair, and IT.....meaning the most vile (but still really cute) creature ever to entrap a man.....by which I mean my wife, goes "Kojak."
Me: "What? Kojak? That's all you got? Kojak?! Puuuuuuuthetic."
Her: "You need to shave it. You look stupid."
Me: "I loathe you."
Then we both laughed our asses off. Then my DUMBASS keeps trying to keep the game going, and I say "Pff. My head and gut ain't SHIT......compared to them dimples you got-



I remember the wind up. I was STUNNED....by how quick her expression changed. Then everything got REAL white....then REAL black.
 

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495 Posts
Such a Romeo! ;)

Metalhead, you live in SC and you're not a USDesmo member? Join us in Mt. Airy and I'll buy you a professional beer.
 

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1,443 Posts
Sooooooo, she's the bride of Satan hummmmm....... and the marriage documents have who's name on them? Now that explains a lot! :D
 

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Premium Member
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2,379 Posts
DIMPLES!!! Metalhead, I thought you were smart and witty - but you really are a slow learner - You have been married to her for sixteen years - you NEVER mention DIMPLES. That is her prerogative and then you deny their existence, if you want to get out alive. Am hardly surprised you can't find the remote, its lucky more hasn't gone missing, or perhaps you just haven't noticed yet;) - cod liver oil - good dose should sort that out.:D
 

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Official Retired Person
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7,332 Posts
You gotta know this is where you went waaaaaaay wrong:
. . . Then my DUMBASS keeps trying to keep the game going, and I say "Pff. My head and gut ain't SHIT......compared to them dimples you got- . . .
And you were trying to keep which game going?
A. Yup, I'm a dumbass.
B. OK, my turn to insult you.
C. Let me give you an excuse to clobber my head with any blunt object nearest your hand.

Notice the list doesn't contain anything even remotely similar conjugal visits. That's 'cause you aint going there!

Hope for this one is fading, I fear.
 

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See, if you lost the gut, you could have ducked faster. And retorted - "Dimpled AND slow.........double puuuuuuthetic....." Of course life would suck never being to sleep again.......
 

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Chilehead
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6,980 Posts
I can never find the remote.

That's because my girlfriend cleans the place and puts them where she likes, not where I like.

My daughters complain about her because she cleans their rooms from time to time.

The older one bitched because something was moved about 1/8" from where she had it!

Tom

P.S. I bitch too when she moves my stuff, but she just ignores us.
 

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I have a button.. BITCHES!
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8,971 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
Sooooooo, she's the bride of Satan hummmmm....... and the marriage documents have who's name on them? Now that explains a lot! :D
:D Good catch. I missed it. So, if she's the 'bride 'of satan'....then that means.....I'm.....you know.
Actually I'm just the opposite. I'm just a happy go lucky guy who actually DOES give a darn about others. Soooooooo........

Maybe I should have said 'The bride of dumbass'.


How's that?


:D
 

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I have a button.. BITCHES!
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8,971 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
Still can't find that damn remote. But the odd thing is, is that every time I walk past the TV the channel changes with every step. Weird huh?
 
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