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post #1 of 3128 (permalink) Old Jan 28th, 2011, 9:48 am Thread Starter
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Joke for Today

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:



"Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."



The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."



"There is more to tell, Father, she started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."



The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."



"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."





















"And what is that?" asked the priest.



"Should I tell her the war is over?'' TaDa Bum Ba

I like the wide open spaces; where two guns beat four aces.
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post #2 of 3128 (permalink) Old Jan 28th, 2011, 11:54 am
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Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one turns to the other and says,























"Does this taste funny to you?"

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post #3 of 3128 (permalink) Old Jan 28th, 2011, 12:46 pm
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A group of bikers
were riding in the country
when they saw a girl
about to jump off a bridge.
So they stopped.

The leader, a burly man,
gets off his bike and says,
"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit a suicide,"
she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive,
he didn't want to miss an opportunity,
so he asked,
"Well, before you jump,
why don't you give me a Kiss?"

So,
she does,
and
it was a long,
deep lingering kiss.

After she's finished,
the biker says,
"Wow!
That was the best Kiss
I have ever had.
That's a real talent
you are wasting.
You could be famous.
Why are you
committing suicide?"




"My parents don't like me
dressing up like a girl......"
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post #4 of 3128 (permalink) Old Jan 28th, 2011, 12:50 pm
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What is the best pick up line in a gay bar?

May I push in your stool for you?
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post #5 of 3128 (permalink) Old Jan 28th, 2011, 1:33 pm
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What are the two sexiest animals on the planet?







Brown chicken, brown cow. (say fast)





(ducks for cover...)

"No doesn't mean no; 'giraffe' means no....."

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post #6 of 3128 (permalink) Old Jan 28th, 2011, 2:26 pm
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^^^ I see what you did there
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post #7 of 3128 (permalink) Old Jan 28th, 2011, 2:58 pm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fitgrrl View Post
What is the best pick up line in a gay bar?

May I push in your stool for you?
Two condoms are walking down the street. They stop outside of a gay bar and one says to the other "hey, wanna get shitfaced?".



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post #8 of 3128 (permalink) Old Jan 28th, 2011, 3:09 pm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mospeada View Post
What are the two sexiest animals on the planet?







Brown chicken, brown cow. (say fast)





(ducks for cover...)
HAhaha


I'm laughing cause it's lame



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post #9 of 3128 (permalink) Old Jan 28th, 2011, 3:09 pm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NSP View Post
^^^ I see what you did there




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post #10 of 3128 (permalink) Old Jan 28th, 2011, 4:00 pm
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A husband and wife are in their bedroom preparing to go out to dinner.

The wife is standing in front of the mirror without a top and she says "My breasts are so small, I wish there was some way to make them bigger without surgery"

The husband quickly exclaims "Oh! I have an easy way to do that!"

The wife asks "Really?"

Husband replies "Sure, everyday when you get up, wad up some toilet paper and rub it in between your breasts. Do that for a year or two and I gauruntee they will DOUBLE in size."

The wife scoffs at him "What makes you think THAT is going to work?"








Husband replies "I don't know, but it sure worked on your butt!"
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