Hahaha; I can't disagree with you about those freakin tank-saddlebag monstrosities...
I could see going with smaller panniers like Brainfry suggested; maybe powdercoated black...that would give you some storage; lockable, sturdy and keep you looking good
From what I know (which isn't much...) there is no Hyper-specific pannier systems. But if you keep the stock rear subframe, as in not going with an aluminum rearend, you should be able to securely mount some pannier frames that are able to hold a substantial amount of cargo.