So I managed to have an accident on the 999s May 29th. I will not go into the details of the accident but I managed to traumatically dislocate my right hip plus have soft tissue damage to right knee and a bit of a hole in my shin to heal.
Bike is a right off and that's ok.
BUT I was given the ultimatum last night. No more bikes or go and find yourself a bike chick.
Not sure I can bring myself to sell the ST4s :frown2:
If the ultimatum didn't come after a crash I'd say - "your gonna miss her". But accidents have a way of changing ones perspective - sometimes other things in life are more important than riding.
Back when my wife and I first met we rode a lot. In about 2 weeks time we were pushed off the road twice and I had a guy pull out into my lane oncoming and try to mow me down. He knew what he was doing and it was intentional, he didn't know me and we had no previous interaction but I was on a "Japanese crotch rocket" and he didn't like it. There was a big Harley Davidson sticker in his back window. The next week a guy on a chopper pulled up behind me and rammed his bike into my leg and footpeg at a stop light. I didn't go down but he started telling me about how guys on "jap bikes" sometimes go missing up in the hills. I just sped away when the light turned...
But all of that got me thinking and I decided to get a pair of ATVs and get off the road for a while. It took about 10 years to go back to street riding. I've been back on the street for about 15 years now and nothing like that has ever happened since...
The point being only you can decide if it's right - if you let pressure from others make up your mind it will only make you resent that person and their use of force on your personal choice.
This might be the time to give it a break but YOU have to decide it's time to stop riding - not your wife.
Some good advice. My wife has always disliked motorcycles and when we met I did not have one so she had no idea that the man she was marrying was going to make it a passion!
Thanks, Had one about 4 years ago with no injury resulting from it. That's pretty much it. Funny what you think about, I am thinking about all my Ducati tools and workshop setup that will all be sacrificed.....What will I do instead?
The accident was pretty much just bad luck. One of those wrong place wrong time kind of things. Narrow twisty road with a 50T truck coming the other way who had to swing wide to get a round a tight blind corner while I was coming the other way. Probably doing 25 - 30mph.
I tried to counter with "too many obstacles on the road so maybe just a track bike" that didn't go down well either.
If the ultimatum didn't come after a crash I'd say - "your gonna miss her". But accidents have a way of changing ones perspective - sometimes other things in life are more important than riding.
Back when my wife and I first met we rode a lot. In about 2 weeks time we were pushed off the road twice and I had a guy pull out into my lane oncoming and try to mow me down. He knew what he was doing and it was intentional, he didn't know me and we had no previous interaction but I was on a "Japanese crotch rocket" and he didn't like it. There was a big Harley Davidson sticker in his back window. The next week a guy on a chopper pulled up behind me and rammed his bike into my leg and footpeg at a stop light. I didn't go down but he started telling me about how guys on "jap bikes" sometimes go missing up in the hills. I just sped away when the light turned...
But all of that got me thinking and I decided to get a pair of ATVs and get off the road for a while. It took about 10 years to go back to street riding. I've been back on the street for about 15 years now and nothing like that has ever happened since...
The point being only you can decide if it's right - if you let pressure from others make up your mind it will only make you resent that person and their use of force on your personal choice.
This might be the time to give it a break but YOU have to decide it's time to stop riding - not your wife.
only you can decide if it's right - if you let pressure from others make up your mind it will only make you resent that person and their use of force on your personal choice.
This might be the time to give it a break but YOU have to decide it's time to stop riding - not your wife.
Ah mate, REALLY sorry to hear the accident was that bad...
Life is too short for those kind of ultimatums imo.
They often come from a place of genuine care and concern, but not from a place that understands why we love doing what we love doing. Choosing between completely different things is senseless.
I don't know you bro but I'm sorry to hear this bad news and I wish you well with all the recoveries ahead. Good luck mate!
And like Chuck, Bulldog and Air Duck said, take some time and both you and the wife can reevaluate things and come to a resolution that's best for BOTH of you. It's tough to make any major life decisions so soon after an accident as emotions tend to overtake logic.
Yes up until last night comments from wife were about changing style of riding etc. It was the talk she had to the neighbour midday yesterday that helped secure my fate.
I had a really bad get off in 2012 on the street that was entirely my fault. I was in the hospital for a week and came close enough to dying that my wife told me no more.
It took about two years and after incessantly talking about it, she let me do a track day on my 999 (I crashed on my newly acquired Moto Guzzi) Then there were some more track days, then I got my Hyperstrada almost a year ago.
She still doesn't like it, really only tolerates it, but I love it. I also ride much differently (read more carefully) than I used to. YMMV
And like Chuck, Bulldog and Air Duck said, take some time and both you and the wife can reevaluate things and come to a resolution that's best for BOTH of you. It's tough to make any major life decisions so soon after an accident as emotions tend to overtake logic.
I had a really bad get off in 2012 on the street that was entirely my fault. I was in the hospital for a week and came close enough to dying that my wife told me no more.
It took about two years and after incessantly talking about it, she let me do a track day on my 999 (I crashed on my newly acquired Moto Guzzi) Then there were some more track days, then I got my Hyperstrada almost a year ago.
She still doesn't like it, really only tolerates it, but I love it. I also ride much differently (read more carefully) than I used to. YMMV
Yeah but y'know, when you're in pain, on meds, seen your life flash before you and those around you freak the f*ck out due to insecurity and fear these moments happen. Particularly if there's lots of Codeine or similar involved.
Anyway, Corse1, could be worse mate
Or how about:
She's probably thinking more this though, looks nice and safe:
Thanks Craig, They quoted 21k worth of parts plus labour so there is a fair amount of fixing and to be honest even though I have a set of track fairings even the unknown of bent frame maybe is enough to just let it go. It was a very solid collision with the truck!
Whooaah! Really sorry to hear of your bad luck. There's many the time I realized that I could have been munched if I were a few seconds either way on a road, so I'm very sympathetic.
As for your wife, I'd do what everyone else suggests: not bring things to a head but just let the situation rest for a bit. She (understandably) got scared, and doesn't want to lose her husband. We can get that, especially for those who don't ride, it just looks like vehicular Russian roulette. To them, you keep spinning the cylinder and eventually you'll get the bullet.
But to us, it seems that family members who want us to stop riding are asking us to trade in a part of ourselves for their sense of safety. Personally, I don't want to live in a way in which I can't make reasonable judgments about myself and accept the consequences. But that may be too much to ask right now, don't know. So—stall if you can. Negotiating room may yet open up.
Yes Ron Russian Roulette is what she is thinking. I have managed to stall any further talk for at least two months, otherwise the relationship is going to go downhill fast. The third option for biker chics in a previous post has put me off that line of thought.
Hopefully she just put that out there as a knee-jerk reaction. Neighbors never really care for bikes unless THEY have them. My girlfriend tests me with the "maybe you should get a bike girl" comment semi-regularly- like a commitment test. I think she knows better than to ask the "me or the bike" question not because it is a stupid question (it is - and not just for the simple choice they see). They don't understand how "happy" it can make you or how it satisfies something in a place they can never reach.
I think a big crash can be tough to get over and I've never had one. If you're not that into riding, I think you know already. If you're unsure, you'll know when you ride again by how you feel about it before, during, and after riding. If it turns to all anxiety (not that good kind that keeps you alive and on edge) about the bike, the traffic, or what she thinks... then it can be ruined.
It's a tough spot, but time will change perspective like others have said. Hope that hip is good again soon.
I agree with the comments that time is the best salve in a case like this.
Both you and she need to decide what the best path is, and she probably knows that the mc thing is a big part of you. Nobody can just throw a switch and turn that off.
I swerved to miss a deer last summer and my wife showed up just after I came out of surgery [only a wrist and some ribs]. I said "I'll get rid of the bikes" and she replied "no you won't". A surprising case of reverse psycology; and as often happens, she got her way. >
One buddy that helped me get the bike hidden and me into the ambulance, went over the bars on his road bicycle two weeks later, proving that seemingly "healthy" low impact endeavors can get you, too.
Agree with pretty much everyone else Corse1... give it some time, it's hard to make rational decisions when you have both just gone through a pretty emotional event. I had to make a similar decision many years ago after the birth of our first son... she did not give me an ultimatum, she left the decision to me and the truth was that after that event, my values changed and being there for my family was MUCH more important than riding a motorcycle. I would not throw a leg over a bike again for 27 years, until my boys were all grown and I got the "itch" again. Point being, look at yourself and make the decision as to what you can live with and live without...
Personally, IMO, you will always be able to find a good bike... a good woman on the other hand.
Get better before making any decisions, don't need anything clouding your mind. I got rid of wife 15 years ago, been riding happily since and now with a biker girl for last few years.
Thanks for all the replies everyone and the advice is all good and relevant. That's a good outcome jcasella. Now she wants to know why I am moody! that's why I have had her agree to park it for a few months. I do want to keep the ST even if it is stored and fired up every now and then. I will get back into bikes at some stage I am sure and I cannot think of a better bike that I have invested a lot of time and money, especially grabbing one of the last DD headlights
Whooaah! Really sorry to hear of your bad luck. There's many the time I realized that I could have been munched if I were a few seconds either way on a road, so I'm very sympathetic.
As for your wife, I'd do what everyone else suggests: not bring things to a head but just let the situation rest for a bit. She (understandably) got scared, and doesn't want to lose her husband. We can get that, especially for those who don't ride, it just looks like vehicular Russian roulette. To them, you keep spinning the cylinder and eventually you'll get the bullet.
But to us, it seems that family members who want us to stop riding are asking us to trade in a part of ourselves for their sense of safety. Personally, I don't want to live in a way in which I can't make reasonable judgments about myself and accept the consequences. But that may be too much to ask right now, don't know. So—stall if you can. Negotiating room may yet open up.
Hopefully she just put that out there as a knee-jerk reaction. Neighbors never really care for bikes unless THEY have them. My girlfriend tests me with the "maybe you should get a bike girl" comment semi-regularly- like a commitment test. I think she knows better than to ask the "me or the bike" question not because it is a stupid question (it is - and not just for the simple choice they see). They don't understand how "happy" it can make you or how it satisfies something in a place they can never reach.
I think a big crash can be tough to get over and I've never had one. If you're not that into riding, I think you know already. If you're unsure, you'll know when you ride again by how you feel about it before, during, and after riding. If it turns to all anxiety (not that good kind that keeps you alive and on edge) about the bike, the traffic, or what she thinks... then it can be ruined.
It's a tough spot, but time will change perspective like others have said. Hope that hip is good again soon.
I agree with the comments that time is the best salve in a case like this.
Both you and she need to decide what the best path is, and she probably knows that the mc thing is a big part of you. Nobody can just throw a switch and turn that off.
I swerved to miss a deer last summer and my wife showed up just after I came out of surgery [only a wrist and some ribs]. I said "I'll get rid of the bikes" and she replied "no you won't". A surprising case of reverse psycology; and as often happens, she got her way. >
One buddy that helped me get the bike hidden and me into the ambulance, went over the bars on his road bicycle two weeks later, proving that seemingly "healthy" low impact endeavors can get you, too.
Agree with pretty much everyone else Corse1... give it some time, it's hard to make rational decisions when you have both just gone through a pretty emotional event. I had to make a similar decision many years ago after the birth of our first son... she did not give me an ultimatum, she left the decision to me and the truth was that after that event, my values changed and being there for my family was MUCH more important than riding a motorcycle. I would not throw a leg over a bike again for 27 years, until my boys were all grown and I got the "itch" again. Point being, look at yourself and make the decision as to what you can live with and live without...
Personally, IMO, you will always be able to find a good bike... a good woman on the other hand.
Get better before making any decisions, don't need anything clouding your mind. I got rid of wife 15 years ago, been riding happily since and now with a biker girl for last few years.
You have been given good advice so far from the members on this forum. I may have missed some posts indicating your family status? Do you and your wife have children, and if so is she playing that card?
Deciding to ride for me was a very complex and well thought out decision, and I would put equal thought into a decision to throw in the towel. Ultimatums are rarely good, and if riding is truly your passion, and she knows how happy it makes you, then it ushers in the question her real motives. I think that is why everyone is saying to let things calm down and remove the emotion so you can get a true gauge of her request.
It kind of reminds me of when my bulldogs have died in the past. I swear that I will not get another dog, but as time goes by I realize the emotion was clouding my judgement and before you know it I have another English Bulldog snoring at the foot of my bed.
Glad you are ok, these things happen to most of us!
It kind of reminds me of when my bulldogs have died in the past. I swear that I will not get another dog, but as time goes by I realize the emotion was clouding my judgement and before you know it I have another English Bulldog snoring at the foot of my bed.
It's been a few years since spike passed away - it was really tough. I've had a few relatives pass this year and none of that was as hard as losing spike. We are still without a dog -and I still don't think I could take that kind of sorrow again.
And BTW I love this forum, you guys are thoughtful and realistic - no macho bullshit - really, heartfelt and sage advice. You guys have given the OP very useful things to think about and a lot of support. And It was the same for me when Spike passed, the members here made a big difference for me.
Other side is quite bad :frown2:
Included in damage on other side - clutch, radiator, fork, caliper, swingarm, pegs, levers bar etc, front fairing smashed, only bits of fairings left
Sorry to hear about the bad stuff. Makes one think real hard , and one should think in full circles when making decisions take EVERYTHING into consideration and go thru all the alternatives , good the bad and the ugly.
then when you come to a decision you have gone full circle and can say that you have decided what is right for you.
Lay down your tracks and follow them.
Personally I do EVERYTHING the Wifey says.
Right Guys?
A Veteran co worker, told me a tale a LONG time ago and it stuck with me.
A "Funny" story about when he was in the military and parachuting , his buddy had the misfortune of the chute not opening , he landed in something "soft" he broke every bone in his body, (as the story goes)
He healed up and was determined to go jumping again.
After a long and painful recovery he was able to jump again and summoned up the courage to do so.
This time the chute didn't open and he ended up DEAD.
Funny huh?
You had to be there and listen to the guy tell it.
YOUR decision.
Heal well and fast, there are people who depend on you, ALWAYS be open change and change your mind when it is right for you.
You can be involved with bikes and not ride, you are here and that is what matters.
Yes Guido that's part of it. "I wont buy another sport bike honey, They are too dangerous" Decision is parked for a couple of months. Wife will agree to a compromise but I may not like it. I have started writing an honest reflection journal on the accident, how I think it happened, How I can avoid it in the future, what motorcycling means to me etc, basically putting all my thoughts out on paper. My wife will be able to read this when finished.
All the good advice here has been gratefully received. Funny how I have covered many kms on the St4s over the last 8.5 years with no incident whatsoever.
Why I don't have an ST4 anymore: it threw me off in a nasty highside. My wife from that point forward hated it, refused to ride on it, and insisted I sell it, which I did. It wasn't riding in general - she just believes some bikes have good mojo, and some are just cursed.
So we now have four "good mojo" bikes in the garage....
My wife from that point forward hated it, refused to ride on it, and insisted I sell it, which I did. It wasn't riding in general - she just believes some bikes have good mojo, and some are just cursed.
So we now have four "good mojo" bikes in the garage....
Thats why the wife will not let me buy them back for track bikes:frown2:
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